Some life-saving advice - just for fun.

Excuses for social gaffes in France.


Recently, Nance and I were preparing for the visit of a cousin and spouse from the USA. Jim is a great friend and hunting companion; and Nancy had even shared that our visit with them one weekend was one of the things that convinced her that I just might be the right guy to share the rest of her life. Anyway, Jim and I like to kid each other a lot; so in preparation for their visit I suggested to him that he should practice saying “Garçon!” and snapping his fingers to impress the waiters when we went out to dinner. He suggested that if he did that that some big Frenchman just might come out and beat him up – to which I laughed and responded that I had just the phrase to protect him. So, out of that grows a list of phrases/excuses for you to use in France if your companion embarrasses you with a social gaffe that you may find humorous. (It is all in fun folks; so don’t take it serious or get your feelings hurt.)

Lead-ins: To determine whether to use ma or mon, just remember that Ma is feminine; and mon (masculine) is the sound your dad makes when you tell him about the scratch/dent/ total you have done to the car.)



Ignorez s'il vous plaît mon cousin américain stupide. (Yep, it means what it sounds like.)

Ignorez s'il vous plaît mon cousin idiot. (Please ignore my crazy cousin.)

Ignorez s'il vous plaît mon marie idiot. (Please ignore my crazy husband.)

Excusez s'il vous plaît ma femme bête. (Please excuse my silly wife.)

Or substitute fil (son) or fille (daughter) as required.

Now here are the excuses:

Elle est vraiment un blond. ( She is really a blond.)

Sa mère l'a laissé tomber quand il était un bébé. (His mother dropped him as a baby)

Il était un fusilier marin et un flic. (He is an ex marine and a cop.)

Il a perdu la raison depuis. (He has lost his mind ever since.)

(By the way; please do not ever say “Garçon!” and snap your fingers at someone unless it is a little boy whose attention you are trying to get.)  :-)